Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
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