you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
