Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
