Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
My breasts were aching with rage.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
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