I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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