I cockslap morals
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
