everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
honey bunches of taint.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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