i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
