Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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