Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
