I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
