then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
