I wannas sexs uuuuu
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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