guys are only as good as the porn they watch
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
