is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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