Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
my shit smells like andre
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
