I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Randomize
