the new term for farting is butt boxing.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
