At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
