is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
