my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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