So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
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