Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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