The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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