I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
