I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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