yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
