This is not my ceiling
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
