You can't special order awesome
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
