There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
