HIV tests are more positive than that guy
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
