I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
