What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
