Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
