Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
