she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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