in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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