I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
