How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
