the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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