I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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