Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize