jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
