Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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