you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
