His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
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