I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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