Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
