the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
