We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
