after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize