If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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