Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
