She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
