It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize