She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize