i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
