Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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