Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
