i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
