just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
