Can i not drive my cunt home
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
