No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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