the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize