i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
My balls are so social today.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
