hotel room ftw
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
These tits shall not be calmed
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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