I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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