Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
