Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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