PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
