woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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