her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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