A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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