Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I want her autograph on my taint
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
