It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Are we still banned from the library?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
