I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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