Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
