you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
